Some words don’t just describe relationships — they shape them.
In Ilocano, the mother dialect of my parents, the word Ading refers to a younger sibling or cousin. But it carries far more than just age-based ranking. It’s spoken with care, often with affection, sometimes with authority. It implies a bond: that you, the older one, are expected to look out for your Ading — to protect them, teach them, tease them (lovingly, of course), and include them.
It’s not just what you are to them. It’s who you are for them.
Language does more than label, it builds connection
What fascinates me lately about language is how differently cultures construct relationships through words.
In Filipino, we have Ate (older sister) and Kuya (older brother). These titles come with deep cultural scripts: Ate is nurturing, dependable, sometimes bossy (in the best possible way). Kuya is protective, guiding, and expected to lead by example. Both come with embedded respect, and, if I may be honest, a fair bit of power in the sibling pecking order.
In Dutch, things take a different turn. The language is less hierarchical, more egalitarian. Broer and zus mean brother and sister, straightforward and symmetrical. No built-in expectations of authority or responsibility. And that reflects the culture: Dutch society tends to value equality, autonomy, and informality, even in families. The language doesn’t enforce hierarchy. It assumes mutual respect.
As Viorica Marian (2023) points out in The Power of Language, language doesn’t just reflect culture. It teaches culture. The words we grow up with encode values, social expectations, and emotional scripts. What we say shapes what we see, and how we behave.
Culture seeps through our vocabulary. Sometimes, it shouts. More often, it whispers.
Words that carry emotion, not just function
As Anna Wierzbicka (1992) and other language researchers have shown, emotional concepts like care, respect, and love vary significantly across languages. Some cultures encode them explicitly into their terms of address or family structures. Others, like Dutch, may embed emotional nuance in verbs and actions rather than hierarchy.
That’s what these words have in common: Ading, Ate, Kuya, and one of my favorite Dutch words: vertroetelen. They aren’t just vocabulary. They’re emotion in words.
Ading brings me back to my childhood. To older cousins who called me that with teasing affection, who made space for me, protected me, included me. It wasn’t just a name. It was an invitation: you belong. And honestly? It still makes me feel forever young. No matter how many responsibilities, degrees, or grey hairs I collect, being someone’s Ading is a title that keeps me anchored in playfulness, affection, and the beautiful illusion that I’m still one of the younger ones in the family.
My favourite Dutch word, vertroetelen, brings a different kind of care to mind: slow, soft, deliberate. It’s often translated as “to pamper,” but it’s more than that. It’s about cherishing. Tenderness with intention. The kind of care that goes beyond duty into devotion.
It reminds me that sometimes, leadership and love aren’t about fixing or guiding. Sometimes, they’re about simply making someone feel safe, seen, and spoiled (just a little).
What’s your Ading?
We all carry words that shaped how we relate to others. Words that taught us about respect, responsibility, or tenderness. Some words organise our relationships (Ate, Kuya), others soften them (vertroetelen), and some, like Ading, wrap us in a quiet kind of love.
So here’s my question to you:
What’s one word in your language shaped how you understand care and connection?
I’d love to hear it. #
References
- Boroditsky, L. (2011). How language shapes thought. Scientific American.
- Marian, V. (2023). The power of language: How the codes we use to think, speak, and live transform our minds. Dutton.
- Pavlenko, A. (2014). The bilingual mind: And what it tells us about language and thought. Cambridge University Press.
- Wierzbicka, A. (1992). Semantics, culture, and cognition: Universal human concepts in culture-specific configurations. Oxford University Press.
